


Five Tracks on John Sheppard's iPod (that he doesn't like to talk about)

by Telesilla



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: DVD Commentary, M/M, five things fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-25
Updated: 2007-01-25
Packaged: 2017-10-05 00:47:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/35917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telesilla/pseuds/Telesilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A glimpse at John through his iPod. Sequel to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/35907">Five Tracks on Rodney McKay's iPod (that mean more to him than you might guess)</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Tracks on John Sheppard's iPod (that he doesn't like to talk about)

**1\. "You Oughta Know" -- Alanis Morissette**

 

John agreed to a no-contest divorce after Nancy came to him and told him she was seeing someone else. It wasn't that much of a surprise to John; only beginnings came as a surprise to him. He didn't fight with her or beg her to stay; what was the point of that? You couldn't keep someone who wanted to leave.

 

It was 1995 and it seemed like every damn time John turned on the radio that summer, there was Alanis, wailing away. The song was so over the top and ridiculous that it made John laugh, every single time.

 

Break ups were only that angry in songs, he was sure of it. In real life, at least in his experience, things ended with a shrug, not a scream.

 

 

**2\. "More Than This" -- Roxy Music**

 

When John was 17, his father was stationed at Ramstein Air Base in what was then known as West Germany. John liked Germany; the American High was big enough that he didn't stand out in any way, and if he went off base, he could legally drink beer.

 

John went off base every weekend.

 

Although the thrill of ordering a beer with a Big Mac went away pretty quickly, going to _Der Adler_, the club a block away from the McDonalds, didn't. He'd wandered into it one night because he was curious and the music he could hear from outside sounded good. He'd had one beer and ordered another one before he realized that there were only a few women in the place. When one of them came up to the bar, he realized that no woman's voice could possibly be that low.

 

He was a military brat; he knew what fags were, but the guy in the dress didn't seem all that threatening, and John had paid for his second beer, so he stayed. He didn't really know why he went back the next weekend. Just curious, he'd have said, if anyone he trusted had asked.

 

The first time he accepted an offer to dance, he'd been surprised at how much he liked it. It was nothing like dancing with girls at the teen club or the school dances; it was grown-up, forbidden and really kind of cool. Still, even though he got hard, he shook his head when the guy wanted to take him to the back of the bar. John had gone to the _Toiletten_\--both doors said _Herren_\--just to piss, and he knew what went on in the stalls.

 

Within a month, he had a reputation at the club as the shy American. He'd been adopted by a group of guys in their mid-20s who knew each other from their time in the German Army. They spoke English, and they taught him how to swear in German, tried to explain what the offsides rule in soccer was, and protected him from anyone who didn't meet with their approval.

 

John's dad was on temporary assignment up in Stuttgart the weekend of John's 18th birthday. When the guys at the club found out about it, they decided he really needed a party of his own. He ended up in Gunter's apartment with Gunter and three other guys from the club.

 

"I want you guys to teach me how to suck cock," John had said after chasing a beer with a shot of Jagermeister. There was dope and Ecstasy, but when John turned it down, no one pushed it on him.

 

By the time Sunday afternoon rolled around, his jaw ached, his voice was hoarse and his knees were kind of sore. It felt fucking great, and without anyone asking him to, he knelt down on the floor and let them all jerk off until they came on him. When he got home, reeking of sex, booze and cigarette smoke, there was no one there.

 

He filled out his Air Force Academy application and took a shower.

 

 

**3\. "Somethin' Stupid" -- Frank and Nancy Sinatra**

 

When he was little, John and his mom had a tradition. Every year they'd go Christmas shopping, and the best part about it was the way his mom let him have dessert first. It was so cool, because usually dessert could only happen after he'd cleaned his plate, even if they had things he didn't like much.

 

In one of John's earliest memories, he's in the car with his mother at night and it's raining. He can picture the reflections of street lights and traffic lights fractured by the windshield wipers. There's music on the radio and John's confused.

 

"Mom, is it really stupid to say 'I love you?'"

 

"Sometimes adults think so," she says after thinking for a moment. He really likes that about her, the way she always seems to take his questions seriously and never brushes him off the way some kids' moms do. "Because if you say it to someone who doesn't love you back, it hurts."

 

"So it's not stupid when I say it to you and Dad?"

 

The car comes to a stop at a red light and John's mom smiles at him. "It never will be, kiddo. Because we'll always love you, too."

 

There are times during Atlantis' spring storm season, when, late at night as the rain falls on his window, John thinks he can hear the sound of windshield wipers.

 

 

**4\. "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" -- Cyndi Lauper**

 

Because when you get right down to it, John's kinda gay too. He's not as gay as Rodney though, because back in the day? He'd have totally done Cyndi Lauper.

 

 

**5\. "One Step Closer" -- U2**

 

He bought the CD on a whim. It was a day for that kind of thing; he'd flipped his coin not to help him make a decision made a couple of months ago, but to feel like it was fated or something. Or maybe so he could tell people later, "Yeah, I flipped for it." Major John Sheppard, pilot, Ancient light switch, and all around cool, fly by the seat of his pants kind of guy. He could already tell that Sumner and his Marines didn't like him and he really didn't care much.

 

After the park, he'd gone to the nearest record store, grabbing everything off the new releases rack and then wandering the aisles and picking up entire catalogs of his favorite artists. He hadn't really been all that impressed with the last two U2 albums, but it wasn't like he was going to be able to spend the money in another galaxy. Plus the computer they gave him had an obscene amount of empty space on its hard drive, and he'd bought the biggest damn iPod available.

 

Once they're on Atlantis, he doesn't listen to the U2 much. Once in a while he'll have his iPod on shuffle and hear a song and think "hey, that's not bad," but he never listens to any of the albums all the way through.

 

Then one night, Rodney is in John's quarters for some reason. John's not really paying much attention, because he knows the difference between "you need to listen to me before we all die," and "Jesus why can't these morons write a simple lab report?" and right now he's getting the latter. Rodney says "stargate blah blah blah" and John suddenly remembers being so afraid that his first step through the stargate would hurt.

 

He leans forward and kisses Rodney, and suddenly all his senses are engaged, the moment has his full attention. Rodney looks surprised, smells a little sweaty, tastes like coffee and almost-beef stew, feels better than anyone John's ever pressed up against, and over both their sighs, John can hear U2.

 

It's a lot better than gating between worlds.

 

After that, every time John gets a new iPod or a new laptop, the first thing he will load on it will be "One Step Closer." He will tell himself that pilots are naturally superstitious and he'll know even as he thinks it that it's bullshit.

 

By year seven, the arrival of the _Daedalus_ will have become like Christmas, and one nice clear spring morning, Rodney will catch John setting up his latest laptop.

 

"Remember when 240GB seemed like a huge amount of space?" John will say, turning a little to block Rodney's view.

 

Time together will have not made Rodney any more polite, and the idea that John might not want him to see what he's doing simply won't occur to him. "Why're you just uploading one file?" he'll ask, using his broad shoulders to try to nudge John aside. "Is this what you do for fun on Arrival Day ? Move your files over one by one? Wow, is that lame or...."

 

Rodney will pause and John will shuffle his feet and look at the one little file sitting all alone in the middle of the desktop. "I...uh..." he'll say, because even after all this time, neither of them will be comfortable with words guys don't say.

 

"You are such a fucking sap," Rodney will say with a snort. "God, seriously...."

 

John will shut him up the way he did the first time, but he'll push play first.

 

_-end-_

**Author's Note:**

> This is the companion piece to [ Five Tracks on Rodney's McKay's iPod (That Mean More to Him Than You Might Guess)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/35907) and that one really should be read first. As with the Rodney piece, my notes got too long so there's a [DVD commentary](johnsipoddvd) as well. Both pieces were gone over by [helens78](http://helens78.livejournal.com/), who is both an awesome friend and fantastic beta. Also, my thanks to the lovely and talented [debra_tabor](http://debra-tabor.livejournal.com/) for help smoothing out some details in the German section.
> 
> Clearly this was Jossed by the episode "Outcast."


End file.
